1 00:00:01,302 --> 00:00:04,653 ♪ It seems today that all you see 2 00:00:04,722 --> 00:00:08,106 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV 3 00:00:08,175 --> 00:00:11,710 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values 4 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,847 ♪ On which we used to rely? 5 00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:18,283 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy 6 00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,736 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do 7 00:00:21,805 --> 00:00:23,466 ♪ All the things that make us 8 00:00:23,490 --> 00:00:24,906 ♪ Laugh and cry 9 00:00:24,975 --> 00:00:29,811 ♪ He's a family guy ♪ 10 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:40,072 Okay, everybody. Put in a raffle ticket 11 00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,124 for each of the prizes you want to win. 12 00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:43,909 Wow, they have everything. 13 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:47,663 Look! You can even win a free drawing from a caricature artist. 14 00:00:47,731 --> 00:00:49,175 So, what are your hobbies? 15 00:00:49,199 --> 00:00:50,716 I like to roller skate. 16 00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:52,884 Ah, you're a roller skater. Good. 17 00:00:52,953 --> 00:00:55,148 Good, good. If you don't mind, I'm going to use that. 18 00:00:55,172 --> 00:00:58,056 Here it is, a drawing of my little roller skater. 19 00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,252 What do you think? 20 00:00:59,276 --> 00:01:00,925 Uh, it's good, but... 21 00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,310 Where are the roller skates? 22 00:01:02,379 --> 00:01:04,757 Uh, they're unopened, down here in the box. 23 00:01:04,781 --> 00:01:06,861 Just like when I was a kid. 24 00:01:07,250 --> 00:01:08,450 Okay, who's next? 25 00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:10,447 Hey little guy, what do you like to do? 26 00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:11,937 I like to play football. 27 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:13,321 Ah, say no more. 28 00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:17,771 Hey guys, I didn't know you were coming to the church raffle. 29 00:01:17,795 --> 00:01:19,695 I will confess a mix-up to you. 30 00:01:19,763 --> 00:01:22,948 I thought Donna said we were going to the church "waffle." 31 00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,634 And we're only here for the fantasy weekend at Fenway Park. 32 00:01:25,703 --> 00:01:27,046 Fenway Park? Oh, yeah! 33 00:01:27,070 --> 00:01:28,664 The winner and a friend get to hang out 34 00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:31,273 and practice with retired Red Sox players, 35 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:34,893 and then play in a real game right on the field at Fenway! 36 00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:37,474 Oh, my God! That's always been a dream of mine. 37 00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,041 Well, that, and tuning a guitar 38 00:01:39,065 --> 00:01:40,676 in front of a live audience. 39 00:02:02,939 --> 00:02:05,390 This was in perfect tune when they handed it to me. 40 00:02:08,895 --> 00:02:12,731 Next up, our fantasy weekend for two at Fenway Park. 41 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:13,981 Oh, man, this is it! 42 00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:15,817 And the winner is... 43 00:02:15,886 --> 00:02:17,385 Peter Griffin. 44 00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:19,032 Holy crap, I won! 45 00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:20,936 Wow, good for you! Congratulations! 46 00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:23,670 I like it when people say your name out loud! 47 00:02:23,694 --> 00:02:27,011 How exciting, Peter! A weekend trip to Boston! 48 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,860 Yeah, and the best part is, I don't even have to get on a plane. 49 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:32,044 I always have trouble at the airport. 50 00:02:34,421 --> 00:02:36,421 Sir, you're not allowed to be on the carousel. 51 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:39,450 Well, then maybe you shouldn't have named it such a fun word. 52 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:41,972 Excuse me, excuse me, I'm not yours. 53 00:02:41,996 --> 00:02:43,874 He's stealing me. I'm being stolen! 54 00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:45,938 Excuse me, I think you've got mine. 55 00:02:47,134 --> 00:02:48,466 Oh, that's a good idea. 56 00:02:56,076 --> 00:02:57,203 Oh, hey, Quagmire. 57 00:02:57,227 --> 00:02:58,293 Hey, Peter! 58 00:02:58,362 --> 00:03:00,579 So, I was just baking a coffee cake 59 00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,108 and I figured I'd bring it over, 60 00:03:02,132 --> 00:03:03,209 cause you like coffee cake. 61 00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,699 Wow, thanks. 62 00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:06,813 Yeah, yeah, no problem. So, who are you taking to Fenway? 63 00:03:06,837 --> 00:03:08,214 What? Well, I was just thinking, 64 00:03:08,238 --> 00:03:10,132 you have that extra ticket. Maybe you'd wanna... 65 00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:11,723 Peter, before you answer him. 66 00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:15,894 I've got that murdered jogger's Discman you wanted last week. 67 00:03:15,962 --> 00:03:17,145 Still bloody! 68 00:03:17,214 --> 00:03:20,232 Hi, Peter. You know how you like 40 dollars cash, 69 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:22,879 well, here's almost 40 dollars cash. 70 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,530 Guys, look. I know you all want to go, 71 00:03:24,554 --> 00:03:26,849 but I need a little more time to figure this out. 72 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,918 I mean, it's a tough decision, 73 00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:31,438 like what to do with that big watermelon I bought. 74 00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:33,382 Griffin, I just wanted to tell you... 75 00:03:34,732 --> 00:03:37,432 That's a great outfit. Keep it up! 76 00:03:37,501 --> 00:03:40,502 I knew it! I have to start trusting myself more. 77 00:03:42,356 --> 00:03:43,883 Man, I don't envy you. 78 00:03:43,907 --> 00:03:45,251 Whichever one of them you bring to Fenway, 79 00:03:45,275 --> 00:03:46,669 the other two will be mad at you. 80 00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:48,071 I don't wanna bring any of them. 81 00:03:48,095 --> 00:03:50,207 Those guys are all way better than me at baseball. 82 00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:52,208 They'd just show me up and ruin it for me. 83 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,464 Why don't you bring Lois? 84 00:03:53,533 --> 00:03:55,060 She doesn't care about baseball, 85 00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:56,662 and that way nobody gets their feelings hurt. 86 00:03:56,686 --> 00:03:59,204 Brian, that's a great idea! Thanks. 87 00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:01,539 Is it "new tennis ball" great? 88 00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:04,159 It's three new tennis balls great. 89 00:04:04,227 --> 00:04:07,206 I'm gonna get 'em all, I'm gonna get 'em all, I'm gonna get 'em all! 90 00:04:13,653 --> 00:04:15,181 Mom, you're really going to Boston? 91 00:04:15,205 --> 00:04:16,732 I didn't even think you liked baseball. 92 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:20,024 Oh, I'm not going for baseball. I'm going for shopping, 93 00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:23,111 the hotel spa, and two days of being away from you 94 00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:24,879 life-sucking turds. 95 00:04:24,948 --> 00:04:28,516 Anyway, be good. And while we're gone, Brian's in charge. 96 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,051 Where is Brian? 97 00:04:30,987 --> 00:04:33,188 What's up, bitches? 98 00:04:33,257 --> 00:04:34,834 Oh, come on, Mom, really? 99 00:04:34,858 --> 00:04:38,142 I'm in high school and you're still putting the dog in charge? 100 00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:40,189 Believe me, Meg, you want me in charge. 101 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,557 Stewie can be a bit of a handful. 102 00:04:41,581 --> 00:04:43,741 He's right, you know. I'm a total Taurus. 103 00:04:43,801 --> 00:04:45,377 Stubborn as they come! 104 00:04:45,401 --> 00:04:48,719 All right, fine. Meg, while we're away, you can be in charge. 105 00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,006 Come on, Lois, time to get to Fenway! 106 00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:53,154 Wow, Dad, you look awesome, 107 00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,988 but I thought you were gonna dress like a baseball player. 108 00:04:56,012 --> 00:04:57,879 I am, Chris. I'm the type of player 109 00:04:57,948 --> 00:04:59,531 who arrives at the stadium in a suit, 110 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,650 with a tie knot as big as an apple. 111 00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,336 That's how you know I got money. 112 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:07,739 All right, we'll see you guys Sunday. 113 00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,425 Okay, now you heard Mom say I'm in charge. 114 00:05:10,494 --> 00:05:11,871 So, I just wanna lay a few ground rules. 115 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:12,911 Yup. 116 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,660 I promise we're gonna have fun, 117 00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:15,975 but there will be a schedule... Uh-huh. 118 00:05:15,999 --> 00:05:17,176 Just to keep everything 119 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,711 running smoothly. Gotta have boundaries. 120 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:20,346 And I may assign a chore or two because... That's great, Meg. 121 00:05:20,370 --> 00:05:21,814 It's more fun if everyone pitches in. 122 00:05:21,838 --> 00:05:23,199 Sounds like you got it worked out. 123 00:05:23,223 --> 00:05:25,324 Hey, by the way... Ahh! 124 00:05:25,392 --> 00:05:28,438 I'm gonna flush your retainer down the toilet. 125 00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:47,990 Look at this, Lois. The Fenway Park locker room. 126 00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:49,648 All right, Peter, I'm gonna go. 127 00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:51,550 You wanna hand me some cash in front of 128 00:05:51,618 --> 00:05:53,418 the other men so you feel powerful? 129 00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:57,439 Instead, why don't you take my Minions Discover card. 130 00:05:57,507 --> 00:06:01,209 Hey there, sluggers. Welcome to Red Sox Fantasy weekend. 131 00:06:01,278 --> 00:06:03,656 Well, who's this? We've never had a lady 132 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:05,108 come out for this before. 133 00:06:05,132 --> 00:06:06,926 Oh, no, that's my wife. She's just dropping me off. 134 00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:09,651 Yeah, you're nice, but I'm not staying. 135 00:06:09,719 --> 00:06:11,786 I don't know the first thing about baseball. 136 00:06:11,855 --> 00:06:13,905 Look, your spot's already paid for. 137 00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:16,858 And besides, if you leave, the teams will be lopsided. 138 00:06:16,927 --> 00:06:19,077 So, as your coach, I insist you stay 139 00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:20,996 and play with us. Right, fellas? 140 00:06:22,482 --> 00:06:26,134 Well, I don't know. What do you think, Peter? 141 00:06:26,202 --> 00:06:29,420 What do I think about sharing Fantasy Baseball Camp with my wife? 142 00:06:29,489 --> 00:06:32,057 Yeah, come on, let her play! 143 00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:35,510 Wow! 1980s All Star, Wade Boggs! 144 00:06:35,578 --> 00:06:38,079 Hey, would you mind standing next to a star of today? 145 00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:40,081 Sure. 146 00:06:40,149 --> 00:06:41,983 Man! What happened to our game? 147 00:06:42,052 --> 00:06:44,219 David Ortiz, will you pick him up like a baby? 148 00:06:44,288 --> 00:06:46,082 It's your weekend! 149 00:06:47,858 --> 00:06:50,698 Now, let me put this baby bonnet on his head and a cigar in his mouth. 150 00:06:52,545 --> 00:06:55,074 So, what do you say? Are you gonna let your wife play? 151 00:06:55,098 --> 00:06:57,527 Absolutely. Lois, stay here and play with us. 152 00:06:57,551 --> 00:07:00,017 I can't say no to baby Boggs. 153 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:01,119 Cutchi-cutchi... 154 00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,320 Ah, he bit me! 155 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,243 Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm here. 156 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,986 Lois, see that wall there? They call that the green monster. 157 00:07:18,054 --> 00:07:19,665 And over there is where I threw 158 00:07:19,689 --> 00:07:21,551 a D cell battery at Jose Canseco. 159 00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,735 All right, let's play ball. 160 00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,511 Wow! You must be excited, Peter. 161 00:07:26,579 --> 00:07:29,358 Yep, guess I can cross this one off my bucket list. 162 00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:32,422 All that's left now is living the Pueblo lifestyle. 163 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:36,688 Peter, what the hell did you do to the house? 164 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:40,758 I know it seems pretty lame, until you realize I'm 58. 165 00:07:40,827 --> 00:07:43,260 Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go lick the foot of 166 00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:46,064 a fleshy, pale woman for Real Sex 34. 167 00:07:52,039 --> 00:07:54,456 Rupert, what do you think of this fan fiction I wrote? 168 00:07:54,524 --> 00:07:56,958 "Diego pressed Dora against the wall, 169 00:07:57,026 --> 00:08:01,012 "her bosom heaving, her hot Latina breath on his face. 170 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:04,348 "For once, Diego was going to do the exploring." 171 00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,618 Just reading it! 172 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,119 Muy caliente! 173 00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:10,516 Okay, Stewie, time for you to get dressed. 174 00:08:10,540 --> 00:08:13,725 Yeah, close door means "Come in," I guess. 175 00:08:13,794 --> 00:08:15,487 What the hell do you think you're doing? 176 00:08:15,511 --> 00:08:17,645 Let's pick out a cute shirt for you. 177 00:08:17,731 --> 00:08:19,408 Then, I thought we can go to the park. 178 00:08:19,432 --> 00:08:21,433 Or, how about this? I press my butt 179 00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:23,668 against the wall and duke on it. 180 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,070 Stewie, don't do that! 181 00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,685 You're messing with my schedule, so I'm giving you wall poop. 182 00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:30,575 Stop that right now! 183 00:08:30,643 --> 00:08:32,255 You just earned a time-out. 184 00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:33,861 A what? Let go of me! 185 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:35,146 Don't you walk away! 186 00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:37,649 Hey, don't bruise me. I'm going dancing later. 187 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,651 You listen to me, you little monster. 188 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,836 I take abuse from everybody around here. 189 00:08:41,904 --> 00:08:44,072 But, I am not gonna take it from you! 190 00:08:44,141 --> 00:08:46,202 Now, sit here until I say you can get up. 191 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,354 And if you move one muscle before, 192 00:08:48,378 --> 00:08:50,540 then I'll smack you in your weird head. 193 00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:54,699 Hey, it's not weird! Mom says it's distinctive. 194 00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:05,210 Griffin, you're up. 195 00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,948 It's always the fat one. 196 00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:11,049 I heard that. 197 00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:12,867 I said it right to you! 198 00:09:12,935 --> 00:09:16,521 You know what? Let's just get Lois up to bat. Where's Lois? 199 00:09:16,589 --> 00:09:18,256 I'm right here, coach. 200 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,908 Guess you don't have a lot of babes out here. 201 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,461 Except for Babe Ruth. 202 00:09:25,198 --> 00:09:26,425 Babe Ruth! Ha! 203 00:09:26,449 --> 00:09:27,689 That's funny 'cause she's hot. 204 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:33,971 Ah! It's a little like tennis. 205 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,824 Did you see that, Peter? I'm doing it all! 206 00:09:36,893 --> 00:09:39,533 Damn it! This was supposed to be my weekend. 207 00:09:50,873 --> 00:09:52,713 Stewie, what the hell's going on? 208 00:09:52,742 --> 00:09:54,208 Meg's awful! 209 00:09:54,277 --> 00:09:56,694 She gave me a time-out and she made me sit in this chair. 210 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,130 My god, she put eye shadow on you, too. 211 00:09:59,199 --> 00:10:01,266 I might have gotten up from the chair. 212 00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:04,002 Brian, Meg's lost her mind. You've got to talk to her. 213 00:10:04,054 --> 00:10:06,337 Stewie, Lois put Meg in charge. 214 00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:10,207 And honestly, once I knew that, I ate a pot cookie, so, um... 215 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:11,376 Yeah. 216 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,155 So, good luck with all that. 217 00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:14,695 You got any cool DVDs? 218 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,230 Brian, please, I need help. 219 00:10:16,299 --> 00:10:18,277 Totally! Hey, where's Chris? 220 00:10:18,301 --> 00:10:20,652 I wonder if he'll play Wii Bowling with me. 221 00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:22,398 All right, that's it. I'm not just gonna sit here 222 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,422 and see what that psycho does next. 223 00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:25,690 All right, think. 224 00:10:25,742 --> 00:10:28,526 Ah! I shall fashion a makeshift ladder 225 00:10:28,594 --> 00:10:30,322 with my diaper genie entrails, 226 00:10:30,346 --> 00:10:32,964 shimmy down to the yard, and I'm free! 227 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:37,502 The trick, Chris, is thinking of the wand as an extension of your arm. 228 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:41,130 Wow, I can't believe I'm pretend bowling with a dog on drugs! 229 00:10:44,227 --> 00:10:45,459 Ah! Son of a bitch! 230 00:10:49,132 --> 00:10:50,642 Oh, my god! A baby! 231 00:10:50,666 --> 00:10:53,246 My name is Shelly. I can't have any of my own. 232 00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:56,449 Would you like to come home with me? I love you so much! 233 00:10:56,473 --> 00:10:58,339 Argh! Everywhere's a nightmare! 234 00:11:10,353 --> 00:11:13,383 Wow! It's nice they put on a banquet for you. 235 00:11:13,407 --> 00:11:15,401 But it looks like I'm the only woman here. 236 00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,142 Yeah, they're ex-athletes, which means they're all divorced. 237 00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,512 In fact, their ex-wives are having a banquet next door with their money. 238 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:27,602 Oh, they're having fun. They're doing a lot of "pointing" dancing. 239 00:11:31,207 --> 00:11:33,219 At least somebody's having fun here tonight. 240 00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:36,155 Oh, you're just nervous about the big game tomorrow. 241 00:11:36,179 --> 00:11:38,524 Is it 'cause of how pink you turn when you run? 242 00:11:38,548 --> 00:11:40,909 A couple guys mentioned that today on the field. 243 00:11:40,933 --> 00:11:42,283 What? Who said that? 244 00:11:42,352 --> 00:11:43,996 I don't know. Nomar-something... 245 00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:45,419 You met Nomar? 246 00:11:45,488 --> 00:11:46,871 Hey! There you are! 247 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,968 We've been saving a spot at the head table for you 248 00:11:48,992 --> 00:11:50,336 with all the hall of famers. 249 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:53,211 Oh, thanks! Finally, something's going my way. 250 00:11:53,279 --> 00:11:54,807 Where should I... Not you. 251 00:11:54,831 --> 00:11:57,147 Lois. What? 252 00:11:59,786 --> 00:12:01,903 This is the one night of the year 253 00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:04,205 they let me out of the scoreboard. 254 00:12:04,274 --> 00:12:07,475 Oh, I don't know if I deserve to sit at the head table. 255 00:12:07,543 --> 00:12:10,461 No, no! We took a vote. We all wanna sit next to you. 256 00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,091 You're the only one here who doesn't have 257 00:12:12,115 --> 00:12:14,544 a fist full of baseball cards for us to sign. 258 00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:15,945 I wasn't gonna have 'em sign them. 259 00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,529 I was just gonna tell them their stats. 260 00:12:17,553 --> 00:12:19,348 But, this is Peter's weekend. 261 00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:20,916 Ah, don't worry about Peter. 262 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:22,117 Now, come on, Lois. 263 00:12:22,141 --> 00:12:23,769 We've got you sitting right between 264 00:12:23,793 --> 00:12:27,295 Pedro Martinez and Ted Williams' severed head. 265 00:12:27,363 --> 00:12:29,008 There's a special place in hell 266 00:12:29,032 --> 00:12:32,272 for whoever's responsible for me ending up like this. 267 00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:40,307 Hey Meg, is anybody going to eat this grilled cheese? 268 00:12:40,377 --> 00:12:42,977 No, don't eat that. That's Stewie's lunch. 269 00:12:43,046 --> 00:12:45,308 Oh, my god! Stewie! I forgot, 270 00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:48,692 he's been in a time-out for six hours! 271 00:12:49,402 --> 00:12:50,835 Stewie? 272 00:12:50,903 --> 00:12:53,404 Oh, no! Where is he? He's gone! 273 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:55,306 I'm gonna be in so much trouble. 274 00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:57,419 I tried to tell you watching Stewie wasn't easy. 275 00:12:58,761 --> 00:13:01,980 Oh, man! This is terrible. Stewie could be anywhere. 276 00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:19,508 Sorry, I forgot my jacket. 277 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,632 Okay, everybody, we're gonna do some double play drills. 278 00:13:27,656 --> 00:13:30,441 Oh, yeah. Little infield. Let's flash some leather, huh, guys? 279 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,988 Who wants to play second? I will. 280 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:35,780 Lois, why don't you take second? 281 00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:39,200 How could he not see that? I even held up my arm with my other hand! 282 00:13:39,269 --> 00:13:41,680 That is the most noticeable way to raise your hand. 283 00:13:41,704 --> 00:13:44,664 Okay, Griffin, you go out there and be the base runner. 284 00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:47,269 All right, Peter, show 'em what you got. 285 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:48,887 Okay, Lois, catch the ball, 286 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,523 and if your foot comes off the bag, 287 00:13:50,547 --> 00:13:52,925 just tag Peter on any part of his body. 288 00:13:52,949 --> 00:13:56,095 How could I miss, right? It'll be like tagging a barn! 289 00:13:58,221 --> 00:14:00,854 Sorry, Peter. That's baseball. 290 00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:04,525 I'll show you baseball, you sexually unsatisfied wife. 291 00:14:10,033 --> 00:14:11,665 Oh! 292 00:14:20,977 --> 00:14:22,226 Yeah! 293 00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:24,328 Now that's a big league slide, huh, coach? 294 00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,496 Ahh! 295 00:14:25,564 --> 00:14:27,426 Damn it, I think it's broken! 296 00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,367 Griffin, what are you, an idiot? 297 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:33,321 Yeah. An idiot who's gonna show up on SportsCenter tonight. 298 00:14:33,389 --> 00:14:35,301 Coming up after the break, we'll have highlights of 299 00:14:35,325 --> 00:14:36,457 the playoff game between... 300 00:14:36,526 --> 00:14:37,842 Streaking. Unrelated. 301 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,097 Yep, her leg is fractured. We should get her to the hospital. 302 00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,883 My only medical training is to say "Walk it off." 303 00:14:50,907 --> 00:14:52,601 Can you walk it off? No! 304 00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,252 Oh, well, that's not good. 305 00:14:54,276 --> 00:14:56,906 Okay, I'm gonna go fake-use the phone in the dug out. 306 00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,024 Peter, what the hell got into you? 307 00:14:59,048 --> 00:15:01,577 Nothing. I was just trying to play hard like Pete Rose. 308 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,701 Look, I can even do the Pete Rose haircut. 309 00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,739 I bet you a 1000 bucks I have a drinking problem. 310 00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,527 Guys, we gotta get that leg set. 311 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,225 I guess I should ride in the ambulance. 312 00:15:11,293 --> 00:15:12,988 You think I'll be back in time for the game? 313 00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:15,240 What? You're not playing in the game. 314 00:15:15,264 --> 00:15:16,775 It's supposed to be a fun day out here, 315 00:15:16,799 --> 00:15:19,111 and you go nuts and break your wife's leg. 316 00:15:19,135 --> 00:15:20,830 Well, it's not my fault. I'm all hopped up 317 00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:22,386 on hard baseball card gum. 318 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:29,143 Mmm. 319 00:15:29,212 --> 00:15:31,178 It's like eating a MasterCard. 320 00:15:31,247 --> 00:15:32,727 Let's get her out of here. 321 00:15:34,167 --> 00:15:36,900 And you, you're done. Clean out your locker! 322 00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,855 Kicked out? I'm totally screwed. 323 00:15:40,923 --> 00:15:42,484 Like those poor guys who had to come up 324 00:15:42,508 --> 00:15:44,808 with a new ad campaign for Subway. 325 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:48,830 Hey, I'm Mike. I like sandwiches and people my own age. 326 00:15:48,898 --> 00:15:51,858 Subway. Please don't think of pedophilia. 327 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,692 You know what I'm getting sick of saying? 328 00:16:00,744 --> 00:16:03,744 "My husband did this to me, but it's not what you think." 329 00:16:03,813 --> 00:16:06,164 Please forgive me, Lois. I'm so stupid. 330 00:16:06,232 --> 00:16:08,132 The reason I didn't bring my friends 331 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,112 is 'cause I didn't want 'em hogging the spotlight. 332 00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:13,265 And then when I saw everyone giving you all that attention, 333 00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:14,655 I guess I kinda lost it. 334 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:16,290 You did a little. 335 00:16:16,358 --> 00:16:18,926 But, of course I forgive you. 336 00:16:18,994 --> 00:16:21,596 I just don't understand why you went so crazy. 337 00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:23,708 Well, ever since I was little, 338 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,677 I was always the fat, uncoordinated kid 339 00:16:25,701 --> 00:16:27,212 that nobody wanted on their team. 340 00:16:27,236 --> 00:16:29,848 And I was excited, that for one weekend, if I could just 341 00:16:29,872 --> 00:16:32,851 step on that field and get a hit at Fenway Park. 342 00:16:32,875 --> 00:16:34,920 I could erase all that and feel like a champ 343 00:16:34,944 --> 00:16:36,788 for the first time in my life. 344 00:16:36,812 --> 00:16:39,964 But, I'm not a champ. I'm a fat loser. 345 00:16:40,032 --> 00:16:41,912 No wonder nobody ever picked me. 346 00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,503 I picked you, Peter. 347 00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:50,074 And to me and our kids, you will always be a winner. 348 00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,426 Thanks, Lois. And you know what? 349 00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:54,590 If that's true, I don't need to play 350 00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:56,609 in some stupid Fantasy Baseball game. 351 00:16:56,633 --> 00:16:58,833 Well, guess what? You're gonna play in that game, 352 00:16:58,902 --> 00:17:00,368 and you're gonna get that hit. 353 00:17:00,436 --> 00:17:03,471 And when you do, we're all gonna be there to cheer you on. 354 00:17:03,540 --> 00:17:05,940 Really? Well how's that gonna happen? 355 00:17:06,008 --> 00:17:08,159 Peter, these guys have been sexually harassing me 356 00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:09,560 since the second I got here. 357 00:17:09,629 --> 00:17:11,290 Either you play, or every one of these Red Sox 358 00:17:11,314 --> 00:17:12,596 are going to jail. 359 00:17:12,665 --> 00:17:14,248 Even Ted Williams. 360 00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:18,435 Mmm. New meat. I think we're gonna get along just fine. 361 00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:21,824 This is the number one fear of only being a head. 362 00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:29,646 Brian, do you always listen to the SiriusXM preview station? 363 00:17:29,715 --> 00:17:31,359 Yeah, I'm thinking about pulling the trigger, 364 00:17:31,383 --> 00:17:32,961 but they make you sign like a two year... 365 00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:34,801 Guys, who cares about your dumb radio? 366 00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:36,470 We can't find Stewie anywhere! 367 00:17:38,073 --> 00:17:39,301 Hello? 368 00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:40,875 Oh, hi, Mom. 369 00:17:40,943 --> 00:17:43,844 Hi, honey. How you doing? How's Stewie? 370 00:17:43,913 --> 00:17:48,232 Oh, he's great. Not lost or anything. How's fantasy camp going? 371 00:17:48,301 --> 00:17:50,362 Uh, your father broke my leg out of jealousy. 372 00:17:50,386 --> 00:17:53,554 But that didn't ruin our honeymoon, and it's not gonna ruin this. 373 00:17:53,623 --> 00:17:55,957 So listen, I want all you guys 374 00:17:56,025 --> 00:17:57,636 to drive up to Boston this afternoon, 375 00:17:57,660 --> 00:17:59,780 to see your father play in the big game. 376 00:17:59,829 --> 00:18:02,980 Wow. We'd love to, Mom. 377 00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:08,052 But, we promised Stewie we'd perform a puppet show for him later today. 378 00:18:08,121 --> 00:18:11,155 Oh, you can perform it for all of us up here in Boston. 379 00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,425 The game's in two hours. Drive safely. 380 00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:17,661 Crap! Now we gotta find Stewie and write a puppet show. 381 00:18:19,615 --> 00:18:22,015 We could repurpose my one-act farce. 382 00:18:22,084 --> 00:18:24,552 Or, we could write something fresh. 383 00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:26,231 Well, just because it's already been written 384 00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:27,466 doesn't mean it's not fresh. 385 00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:29,723 What did I just say? Shut up! 386 00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,460 We're in trouble. I'm in trouble! 387 00:18:32,528 --> 00:18:34,878 Hey, what's this? A dickweed convention? 388 00:18:34,947 --> 00:18:36,030 Stewie! 389 00:18:36,098 --> 00:18:37,209 Oh, thank God, you're home! 390 00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:38,710 Where the hell have you been? 391 00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,846 As far away from her as possible! 392 00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:41,964 I forgot her name, honestly. 393 00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,037 Who? Meg? 394 00:18:43,106 --> 00:18:45,289 Yes, yes, Meg. She's scary and mean, 395 00:18:45,358 --> 00:18:47,636 and I don't ever want her to be in charge of me. 396 00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:49,927 Are you afraid of me, little guy? 397 00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:53,764 Oh, Stewie. I'm really sorry I left you in that time-out. 398 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:57,518 I love you very much and I'm so happy you're home. 399 00:18:57,587 --> 00:19:00,471 You're my little brother. Can you forgive me? 400 00:19:01,424 --> 00:19:03,507 Well... All right. 401 00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:10,548 Can I have your baby? 402 00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:11,816 Don't let her in! 403 00:19:19,809 --> 00:19:22,570 We're all proud of you, Peter. Now don't be nervous. 404 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:23,894 I ain't nervous, Lois. 405 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:25,758 I'm just sweating 'cause I was too embarrassed 406 00:19:25,782 --> 00:19:27,225 to get nude in the locker room 407 00:19:27,249 --> 00:19:29,361 so I'm wearing all this over long pajamas. 408 00:19:29,385 --> 00:19:30,979 Ladies and gentlemen, 409 00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:35,038 now batting for the Boston Red Sox, Peter Griffin. 410 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,326 Fair ball. Run, Peter! Run it out! 411 00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:01,293 Peter's brain. 412 00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:03,161 Yeah, this is the muscle department. 413 00:20:03,185 --> 00:20:04,863 What the hell is he doing? 414 00:20:04,887 --> 00:20:07,187 Uh, apparently he's trying to sprint. 415 00:20:07,256 --> 00:20:09,824 Sprint? He got winded walking to the plate! 416 00:20:09,892 --> 00:20:12,321 And he's been out in the blazing sun for two days! 417 00:20:12,345 --> 00:20:13,827 Has he had any water? 418 00:20:13,896 --> 00:20:16,998 No. He told his wife there's juices in the hot dogs. 419 00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:18,944 Well, I'm sorry. I got no choice 420 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:22,368 but to call for a complete muscle failure. 421 00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:30,539 Look! Dad's planking from like eight years ago. 422 00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,446 Is there a Neiman Marcus in Boston? 423 00:20:32,515 --> 00:20:35,248 Peter! Get up! Get up and run! 424 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,636 Run, Peter! Come on, Dad! 425 00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:39,887 We love you! 426 00:20:39,955 --> 00:20:41,522 Copley Place. How far is that? 427 00:20:52,134 --> 00:20:54,401 I ran like a champion that day. 428 00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:58,171 Pushing through the pain of two torn hamstrings and a ruptured groin. 429 00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:01,675 A leg out to hit at Fenway Park, I had always dreamed of. 430 00:21:03,279 --> 00:21:05,079 But, nobody noticed. 431 00:21:05,147 --> 00:21:07,659 'Cause the account manager from B of A who was playing third base 432 00:21:07,683 --> 00:21:10,751 had a massive coronary trying to field my crappy little number. 433 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:13,553 The hit was amazing! 434 00:21:13,622 --> 00:21:15,150 But what made it even better, 435 00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:17,958 was that my family was there to share the moment with me. 436 00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:19,526 And on the car ride home, 437 00:21:19,595 --> 00:21:22,113 they put on a puppet show that made me laugh so hard 438 00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:24,681 I crashed into a toll booth on the Mass Pike, 439 00:21:24,750 --> 00:21:27,470 totaling the car and breaking Lois' other leg. 440 00:21:27,937 --> 00:21:29,603 The casts kinda smell, 441 00:21:29,672 --> 00:21:32,117 so I won't let her sleep in the bedroom till they're off. 442 00:21:32,141 --> 00:21:33,507 But, that's baseball.